HOW TO COMFORT THE GRIEVING

How to Comfort the Grieving

In his Post How to Mourn with the Parents of Still Born or Miscarried Children, John Patton touches on the subject of ministering to the parents of the deceased child.  I felt his points really were appropriate for all levels of loss and counsel.  I tweaked his list and made it available for counsel to those who may be counseling.  The first and last are the best, in all situations, but each one has it's place.  He begins...

Death, that most hateful of things, awaits every one of us, yet its sting is unique when it takes a helpless babe.  While we believe Jesus conquered death at the cross, we wait for the resurrection to fully realize the death of death. Until then we must bear the burdens of and mourn with those around us.

The comfort and hope of the resurrection give us great resources for responding to those in your community who have suffered the pains of miscarriage. Here are six thought to keep in mind as you comfort and console.

1. Be content simply to "mourn with those who mourn" (Rom. 12:15).Know that your words of comfort will not be much consolation in the short run, even if you have suffered. As with most other kinds of loss, each person's experience is profoundly different.
2. Don't try to be the hero. Your may desire to utter just the right words that will bring healing and resolution to family. But that desire may arise more from your own struggle to reconcile the reality of death with the hope of Christ than from the need of those suffering to hear your words.
3. Remember mom. Her pain will linger after most people have ceased asking about it. Don't be afraid to broach the subject and encourage her six, nine, or even twelve months after the fact.
4. Remember dad. A miscarriage is not a set of circumstances in which mom suffers the pain and dad gives support. It's tempting to think that mom bears all the pain, but a father feels helpless in his own way. He needs much love and encouragement.
5. Be patient.  My wife and I have struggled over and over again to choose worship and dependence rather than despair or indifference. Sometimes we have failed. Be patient with those who seem not to be "getting over" their loss. Pray for the truth of God's goodness to break through. Love, love, love on your friends who have lost.
6. Read them the Psalms. Just pick them up and start reading. They give lyrical shape to the confusion, anger, pain, relief, hope, and every other possible emotion the suffering feel. Reading the Psalms helps us to live emotionally with a doxological mindset. Psalm 34 has been a key text for me.

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2013/09/19/how-to-mourn-with-the-parents-of-stillborn-and-miscarried-children/

Wilson on Cultural Superiority

Cultural Superiority
 One of the things that racial harmony propaganda has done for us is make us think that racism never has any raw material to work with. In other words, we reduce the whole question to one of "star-bellied sneetches" and scratch our heads in amazement that intelligent people once thought that whites were superior to blacks. Of course we know they were wrong for thinking this, but they were not stupid in thinking this. They were dealing with objective facts, which (they assumed) could only have one explanation. It was this latter assumption that tripped them up so badly, and not the objective realities they were trying to account for. Picture a kid in the seventh grade looking down on those woefully benighted fifth-graders. His knowledge is vaster, his sophistication sleeker, his skateboard wider, his pride complete. Now think of Europeans and Africans. In reaction to the legacy of racism that has long been directed toward blacks, many liberals have adopted the emotionally secure (but intellectually indefensible) position of egalitarianism, the view that equality in the sight of God means sameness in the sight of man.This is the facts-be-damned approach. But there is no effective way to address racial hatreds by insisting that everyone (all together now) start denying the obvious. All men exhibit the image of God equally, but all cultures are not equal. As we look at all the tribes of men, we see some that have landed it man on the moon, and some that have not yet worked out the concept of the wheel. We have some with one whole row in the supermarket dedicated to shampoo, while in another tribe hair is washed in cow urine. We have orchestras playing The Brandenburg Concertos compared to someone beating on a hollow lug with a couple of sticks. Now I am fully aware that to assert the superiority of one culture over another is enough to convict me of the charge of racism (as it is currently defined) in the minds of many. And I grant that it is quite possible that someone could argue for cultural superiority as a coded way of asserting the innate superiority of those individuals (and their genes!) who make up that superior culture. But while some may have done this, it is not at all what I am doing here. For those who do not want to listen to the argument, I have nothing more to say. For some, the mere denial of egalitarianism is enough to brand one as a racist forever, and since I am interested in taunting egalitarianism every chance I get, I have little hope of gaining their favor. But the root of my denial of egalitarianism is my belief in the superiority of the grace of God over and against every form of human works. The only true antithesis is between the seed of the woman and the seed of the serpent. The Christian faith is "superior" (being true and all), and so it brings blessings with it. It is a fact that there is a wide disparity of refinement and achievement) between cultures. One problem that results from this disparity, according to a Christian worldview, is that those who embrace this fact tend to attribute it to their own innate worth. They give the whole thing a false cause. And those who would deny that particular folly do so by embracing another, which is to deny that there is any disparity worth mentioning. But there are such disparities, and they are present because of the uneven progress of the gospel throughout the world. Everything that we enjoy culturally is simply the grace of God. What do we of "the West" have that we did not receive as a gift? And if as a gift, then why do we boast as though it were not a gift (I Cor. 4:7)? Before the gospel came to my ancestors, what were we whites with our alleged soo-perior genetics) doing with ourselves? Well, we were painting ourselves blue and running naked into battle. We would undergo warp spasms in order to fight in a completely gonzo condition. We were living in huts with thatched roofs and cooking our food over animal dung. If I were offered a pot of that food today, the chances are pretty good that I would not he interested in eating it. We routinely conducted human sacrifice. We would capture Roman engines of warfare and be completely clueless about how to operate them. In a short word, we were barbarians, savages. So what transformed northern Europe, which was every bit as dark as the worst you might dig up in Africa's history? The answer is the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, crucified and risen. As the Christian faith transformed Europe and the loss of it is deforming it back again), so the Christian frith is in the process of transforming Africa. As a postmillennialist, I look forward to the time when the cathedrals, symphonies, and literature of Africa will put to shame the current achievements of dead white guys-not to take anything away from them, but there is a lot past seventh grade awaiting all human cultures in Christ. So white supremacists are like that kid in seventh grade, absolutizing the present moment for all the wrong reasons. This brings up another point: why is it that the "supremacists" among us behave the way they do? If there is a kid in seventh grade who is busy heaping contempt upon the heads of the fifth-graders, it is likely that he is not exactly the class genius. He is struggling to fulfill his duties, and quickly finds that it is easier to puff himself up by looking down on someone a couple grades down the hall than it is to actually do his own work. In short, if the case for white supremacy had to be made (for some absurd reason), the people that would be picked to make that case would not be your rank and file white supremacist. Blacks and whites who are blessed with any genuine superiority (of any kind) should know it to be a gift. And if they believe their Bibles, they hold that the same kind of gift is coming to the whole world.

Douglas  Wilson. Black & Tan: A Collection of Essays and Excursions on Slavery, Culture War, and Scripture in America (Kindle Locations 472-474). Kindle Edition.

Douglas  Wilson. Black & Tan: A Collection of Essays and Excursions on Slavery, Culture War, and Scripture in America (Kindle Locations 463-472). Kindle Edition.

Douglas  Wilson. Black & Tan: A Collection of Essays and Excursions on Slavery, Culture War, and Scripture in America (Kindle Locations 454-463). Kindle Edition.

Douglas  Wilson. Black & Tan: A Collection of Essays and Excursions on Slavery, Culture War, and Scripture in America (Kindle Locations 444-454). Kindle Edition.

Douglas  Wilson. Black & Tan: A Collection of Essays and Excursions on Slavery, Culture War, and Scripture in America (Kindle Locations 438-444). Kindle Edition.

WM3-Rehabilitated?

This will not be an attempt to prove innocence or guilt.  My mind is made up don't confuse me with the facts, my seminary prof. use to say.  However, I think I have my facts straight, but again that's not the purpose.  I take issue with one thing that was said on Friday Aug. 19.  The Prosecuting attorney Scott Ellington said, "I hope and pray they have been rehabilitated.  Only time will tell as to whether this was the right decision on my part." That sounds fair enough as your being overcome with emotions whether they be joy or anger.  But as the idea of them being rehabilitated sets in should we be concerned if they are not.  There seems to be only two points to prison perhaps three:  Death for those who are convicted of a serious enough crime, rehabilitation, and probably to the average citizen the knowledge that bad people are locked up away from the rest of society.  When Ellington makes this claim, Its because he knows the fear of the populous,  "Your letting killers walk the streets."  His hope is that the people will be at ease due to the rehabilitation programs of Arkansas Correctional Department, but is there any program in the world that would consider itself helpful to individuals who do not take responsibility for their crime?  Can you get help when those who are trying to help out are constantly told, "I don't need your help".  If Ellington believes what he says, and that is that his opinion is that the WM3 did kill those boys why would he think they were rehabilitated when they are still lying about the original crime.  The question becomes a little more personal when we discovered that Misskelley now lives behind our church with his father.  Many asked me, how will you respond, despite my doubts that he would show up, I did entertain the notion that we would open our arms and extend a warm welcome happy he joined us.  But then the conundrum sets in, what about my girls who are known to hug complete strangers? Do I go for a hug block (does such a move even exist?) or to save my wife from  hitting her head on something hard after passing out. What if one of my girls or my wife went to the restroom and Jessie gets up and heads back towards the foyer.  But ultimately what if Jessie ask me about being saved?  Knowing that one of the key tenants of Christianity is repentance.  I could accept a murder more easily if they said, I'm a murderer and I made a terrible mistake and I deserve death.  In fact that's what entering into Christ Kingdom looks like.  I'm guilty of murdering Jesus, I wish I could say it was a crime of passion, but in all honesty I'm a serial murder, I sometimes plan them out, and other times I let my anger build and explode, but each and every time I've put Jesus on the cross because what I want is my selfish desires, and not his will for my life.  May God grant Damine Echols, Jessie Missekeley Jr., & Jason Baldwin forgiveness whether they murdered three little boys or like the rest of us in someway or in some position murdered the Son of God. May God grant us all repentance that we might have fellowship with the son.

Douche Bags, Cops, & My Heart-A Lesson About My Heart

Douche Bags....really?  That's what my wife will say when she reads this post,  she'll argue for the less harsh abbreviation d-bag.   She's probably right, she's always right.  Christians shouldn't be throwing around the d-bag word, let alone Ministers, then again maybe now I'll be cool like Driscoll, yeah right, lets ask the wife about that one too.  She may even have harsher words for the next word policeman, and curious as to why I'm blogging about d-bags and policeman, implying I must have been doing something wrong, scratch that, been caught doing something wrong.  She knows how tight money is around here, more so she knows how I quickly enter toddler mode and throw my temper tantrums when I find out she's gotten a ticket.  So yep, cat's out of the bag, guilty 57 in a 45.  That seems like a lot, but honestly on a Sunny day it didn't feel like it.  As matter of fact, I didn't even realize I was speeding, which may make it even worse, if I'm racing to get somewhere because I'm late...I'm fine with getting caught and paying my fine.  But its the ridiculous pace of 45 mph in what clearly should be 55 mph that's got me all up in a tissy.  I saw the cop and for a split second thought am I speeding looked down, nope 55, well 57 according to his little gun.  But wait why did he slow down and turn on his lights, poop (that's not the real word that came in my mind).  Okay, Jeff think, um, oh yeah get your insurance. So I  lean over to get the insurance card and a mound of receipts, ketchup packets, napkins, straws, spit at me from with-in the glove box, if I do find my proof of insurance its clearly going to take me a while. "I thought this was 55," I say in my defense. "No you just passed a sign." " Oh", I say, "didn't even realize I'd passed the bridge."  "Actually its 45 all the way to the interstate, has been for some time", he smirks.  I'm not real sure I agree with him on that, I've seen the signs at the bridge, but the whole way to the interstate, I don't think so.   Officer D-bag, Yeah I said it well at least in my mind, he's not waiting, so I give up and he gives me a ticket not only for speeding but failure to provide proof of insurance, Douche Bag, of course I can plead my case in a month.  Sureeeee!

This exchange and the subsequent feeling in my gut that some how I'm the one that just got robbed by the system caused me to think about my driving practices in general.  I'm a good driver at least I think so, I mean really who thinks they are a bad driver. But I do know of one fault I have, I do not like to be passed, it probably has something to do with my favorite t.v. shows growing up, Dukes of Hazzard, A-Team, & Knight Rider all had incredible action scenes involving cars and lets just say they weren't driving in the slow lane.  Okay, so maybe not speed, but I like to keep pace, which brings me back to Mound City Road, i did a test drive after my ticket, drove the whole way to I-40 got passed by a mini-van (not cool).  On the way back into town, I had a line of 4 cars behind me by the time I turned off so lets just say driving speed limit on MCR is not going to be easy on my conscience.  But now wanting to be passed goes deeper than, childhood memories of Bo & Luke outrunning Roscoe and Enis.  I don't want to be the car that everyone else is looking at, and shouting the things I shout at other cars (see below).  Why is this?  Because I embarass easy?  Does that make me humble or proud, most think that if you don't like to be embarassed its a form of humility, because your not going to be strutting your stuff for others to see.  But lately I've been seeing my concern for what/how others think of me not as a mark of humilty, but of pride.  Is it not that I think so much of myself I don't want to be thought of in any other light than positive a testimony of my pride.  Me not wanting to be embarassed is really me wanting to be well thought of boiled down to fear of man.  Jesus told the disciples when they faced persecution and ridicule, for them not to fear mankind, rather fear the Lord, He says it cooler than how I say it, [28] "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. [29] Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. [30] But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. [31] Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
(Matthew 10:28-31 ESV)

I've also noticed I suffer from a little thing called road rage, Oh I don't think I'll be shooting at anybody, but I'll shoot from my mouth with the best of 'em, "Idiot(s)" "Come on, Grandma!" "Flippin use your turn signal", these usually get expressed int he a.m. when I'm running late taking kids to school and dealing with the joy that is Marion School Districts layout.  I knew I had a problem when my, 7 year old, said "come on, idiots" to a car who was waiting to go and couldn't because of traffic.  Ouch, that' hurt, not because she got it wrong, that person was fine, unless she missed an opportunity to go, then I would join in, "yeah come on".  Oh,  wait.  "No Riley", I explain. "They aren't really idiots, I'm saying this because I'm in a hurry.  I shouldn't call them names.  I'm sorry for setting the bad example."

So lets see where does this put me, oh yeah.  Good driver...probably not, worse...bad heart.  Its amazing to me how easy it is for me to look down at others, maybe if I knew them, perhaps it really is a grandmother in front of me, who's concern for their grandchildren is so great they refuse to take any chances.  Or someone who just lost a child in an accident, maybe they aren't real sure of themselves and so they drive slow, who cares, what does it matter the reason, why can't I rest myself in God's provision to have me right where he wants me, which sometimes is behind a slow driving car, or right where he wants me in the cross-hairs of a radar detector, not so I can try an manipulate the good ole boy system that is Marion Police, but so I can say in the same vein of C. J.   I didn't get what I deserved.  I got better than what I deserved, how many other times I've sped excessively, driven with-out my seat belt/license, and even in my former life, drunk or stoned.  No 200 bucks to fund the Marion Court System/Police Dept. is not going to be easy to swallow, but if It will teach my heart to be content in Christ.  $200 is a small price to pay.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! (Rom 7:24-25).  Maybe I should say, Wretched Douche Bag that I am!  So Thanks to Jesus and thanks to Officer Stone, for taking the long way around and pointing me to Christ.

Freddy Please?????

The conversation came up this morning in our Bible study, the Westboro Baptist Church's(WBC) victory in the Supreme Court.  I doubt it comes as a shock to many that the victory was won, after all the media did a pretty good job covering the fact that Fred Phelps pastor of WBC were always sure to check their laws and determine how close to the funeral procession they could be.  As it turns out many of the victims of the 'picketing' never saw WBC during the funeral, it wasn't until later afterwards on the news that they would get a glimpse of the horror of their pickets.  As much as I would like to punch he and his family in the nose or at least give a good knife chop to the neck. How should a Christian respond to this nonsense?  First I wish we could mandate a name change.  I hate being associated with these nut-jobs being a church let alone Baptist.  Second, of all people I'm sympathetic with their message at least what I see on the signs, Yes God does hate, I know, its shocking, but it is biblical, (Ps. 5:5, Lev 20:23, Prov. 6:16-19, Hos. 9:15). Now is this where we say oh yeah, but that's OT, and in the NT its all about love, don't you remember John 3:16...Why yes I do remember John 3:16 but I also remember verses 17,18, & 19 also.  God does love the world in such a way that he sent Jesus into the world so the world wold not be condemned, but saved.  But the verses go on to say that Jesus didn't come to condemn...(don't check out on me now, this is important) the world.  I know your still saying yeah see he's not about condemning now, he's about loving, but continue on still and you see why Jesus didn't have to condemn the world is because the world is already condemned, and unless the world comes to Jesus the wrath of God's condemnation will rest on them.(John 3:16-19)  So the expression of God's hatred toward not only the sin, but also the sinner is manifest in them bearing their just due which is the full wrath of God.  So now your mad right, and wondering when you'll see me on the 5 o'clock news with my own sign?  You needn't worry, because, the problem with the Freddy and family or better known as WBC is a common problem,  we need to be careful to look inward, before we look outward.  After examining my own heart and tearing down the idols there then we can begin to help others turn to Jesus. How we look is as important as what we are looking for, and the error of WBC is that they are looking in all the wrong places, I think I understand them to say that the death of a soldier is God's judgment on America for allowing homosexuals to be married, serve in the military, and ultimately be alive.  The problem is that of all the abuses of scripture that are possible and often attempted, this is one that has a clear cut refutation by Jesus, in NT.  (Note to future heretics-if you plan on coming up with something very controversial at least read enough scripture to see that your foolish plan has already been debunked by THE MAN himself, Jesus)  He was asked point-blank was this group more guilty, and Jesus response was no, but unless you repent you will likewise perish. [13:1] There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. [2] And he answered them, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? [3] No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. [4] Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? [5] No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” 
(Luke 13:1-5 ESV)
So for Jesus to come out and say, the point isn't that we look at others and say oh those poor pitiful creatures, they are going to hell in a hand basket, but rather to look inward at our own hearts, and realize while it may not be manifested in the same way as outward open sins of homosexuals, I still have sin, that I ultimately put before God.  Lust, pride, anger, selfishness, greed are all serious sins, that often go unchecked or maybe even unnoticed to those around us, but the Holy God of the universe is not so easily duped.  He knows our hearts and he knows our sin, and rather traveling all over the united states with carefully crafted signs warning of his judgment and hatred, he would be better served by us taking time to do a little picketing in our own hearts.  As your mouth spouts off some harsh words at someone you've disagreed with, where are the protesters to warn you of the coming judgment?  "Oh who will deliver me from this body of death", Paul asked, as he expressed his inward desire to not sin yet finds himself sinning anyways, and the answer of all answers comes back as clear as the sun, thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  Oh that I would love Jesus more than my sin, and oh that Fred would look to Jesus who will not only save the homosexuals from their lifestyle, but also Fred from himself as well.